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Post by AndyG on Apr 12, 2007 14:39:00 GMT
Go to www.google.comClick on Maps. Click on get Directions. Type in From New York To Cambridge, UK And read line # 23. ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Craig Benstock on Apr 12, 2007 22:05:11 GMT
lol - that's simply amazing!!
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Post by alexp on Apr 12, 2007 23:39:41 GMT
Go to www.google.comClick on Maps. Click on get Directions. Type in From New York To Cambridge, UK And read line # 23. ;D ;D ;D Quality!
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Post by Rich Wharton on Apr 13, 2007 11:20:58 GMT
Brilliant! Is it supposed to be a joke?
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potter
Won a few trophies
Posts: 179
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Post by potter on Apr 13, 2007 13:24:40 GMT
The man on the moon Had a very large spoon And with it he ate all the stars But mars made him ill, So he took a large pill And stuck to galaxy bars
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Post by AndyG on Apr 18, 2007 11:13:54 GMT
The comedians at google are at it again ;D Goto moon.google.com/Use the + button on the left hand side to zoom in as far as you can (5 times)
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Post by Rich Wharton on Apr 18, 2007 13:32:55 GMT
I knew it!! I always said it was!!
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Post by Longshanks on Apr 18, 2007 14:00:12 GMT
A Man U fan about 8 years old goes into sports shop to buy this Man U football he as seen in the window. Anyway he doesn’t know how much it is so he asks the shop assistant behind the counter. The assistant says, “its £25 matey.” The little boy replies, “I have only got £5 pocket money”, so the assistant says “sorry but you will have to save up then.”
So the boy thinks and says to the assistant “I will do you a deal. Blind fold me and pick any football off that shelf and I bet I can guess what football team is on the ball. If I get it right you have to give me the Man U ball.”
So the assistant thinks go on then he is only young. So he blind folds the little lad and he gets the ball off the shelf, puts it in front of the boys face and the boy shouts, “its Wolves!” The assistant in shock says, “How did you know that?”
The boy says, “I could hear the sound of a pack of wolves in the woods.” So the assistant says “Wow. Ok matey, let’s have another go.” So he gets a ball from the shelf puts it in front of the boys face. The boy shouts “its Arsenal!” The assistant says, “Wow, how did you get that?” The boy says, “I could hear the guns on a bloody war field.”
The assistant in total shock says, “Right, get this one and you can have the ball and the Beckham boots.” So he gets the ball puts it in front of the boys face. The boy shouts “its West Ham United.” “Jesus! How did you get that one?” says the assistant. The boy says, “Well, it’s going down.”
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Post by orrible on Apr 23, 2007 19:23:47 GMT
CHINESE PROVERBS ;D Man who run in front of car get tired. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who run behind car get exhausted. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man with one chopstick go hungry. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who eat many prunes get good run for money. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who drive like hell, bound to get there. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who stand on toilet is high on pot. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement . *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who fart in church sit in own pew. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Crowded elevator smell different to midget (Sav). My kinda guy: www.rebelvirals.com/13875298.html
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Post by orrible on Apr 24, 2007 10:20:51 GMT
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Post by orrible on May 2, 2007 11:34:17 GMT
I pulled an older woman at a club last night.
She was a right sort for 57, we drank a bit, had a bit of a snog & she asked if I'd ever had the sportsman's double, a mother and daughter 3 some?
I said no.
We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.
I went back to her place.
She put the hall light on & and shouted upstairs:
"Mum you still awake?"
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Post by AndyG on May 3, 2007 7:34:28 GMT
Can you read this? Try moving further back from the screen until you can.
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Post by schmack on May 4, 2007 12:53:05 GMT
frank lampard has been arrested under suspicion of burgling jose reina
apparently when questioned he couldnt account for his whereabouts on tuesday night between 7:45 and 10:30
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Post by AndyG on May 4, 2007 13:27:18 GMT
Ever wondered what AIG (Man Utd Shirt Sponsors) stands for?
ALMOST IN GREECE ;D ;D ;D
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Post by stelmagic on May 4, 2007 15:38:22 GMT
lol
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Post by orrible on May 4, 2007 21:33:21 GMT
>Following on from the GMTV phone in competition scandal, Jose Mourinho and >Alex Ferguson are joining forces to sue EUFA for allowing them to enter a >competition they had no chance of winning. . . . . > > > >Further news, Chelsea has announced a new £10m sponsorship deal with > >Viagra. Chief Executive Peter Kenyon said this morning, "hopefully the >deal will help us get past a semi"
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Post by barhillcap on May 4, 2007 23:40:58 GMT
Paradise
A typical bloke, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to take a holiday. He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.
He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.
In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?" She replies, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you." "Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, where did you get the tools?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
The guy is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please.
Would you like a drink?" "No! No thank you," he blurts out, still dazed.
"I can't take another drop of coconut juice." "It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet." No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?" She stares into his eyes ...
He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..........." he swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes.....
"F*cking hell don't tell me you've got Sky Sports as well?" _______________________________________
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Post by orrible on May 5, 2007 13:39:50 GMT
>This is a good one..... enjoy guys!! >Three surgeons were having a conversation: >One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert >pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months >later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England." > >The 2nd surgeon said, "That's nothing. A young man lost both >arms and legs in an accident, >I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in >field events in the Olympics." > >The 3rd surgeon said, You guys are amateurs. Several years >ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on >into a train traveling at 80 miles per hour. >All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. >Now he's president of the United States
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Post by orrible on May 5, 2007 14:11:54 GMT
WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE...I'M BROKE!
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners".
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!", "I'm broke!" and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure on to her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."
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Post by orrible on May 15, 2007 11:14:25 GMT
The FLYING CHICKEN!! >Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!! (true story) > >Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens >at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum >velocity. > >The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne >fowl to test the strength of the windshields. > >American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the >windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a >gun was sent to the American engineers. > >When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled >out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to >smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's >back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an >arrow shot from a bow. > >The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the >experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British >scientists for suggestions. > > > > > >Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo: > > > >"Defrost the chicken
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