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Post by orrible on Jul 20, 2006 9:28:49 GMT
Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning. He told Bush that 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq.
To everyone's amazement, all the color drained from Bush's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.
Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld, "Just exactly how many is a brazilian?"
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Post by schmack on Jul 20, 2006 10:18:24 GMT
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Post by orrible on Jul 20, 2006 10:53:09 GMT
yeh good got that one lol
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Post by orrible on Jul 24, 2006 11:13:40 GMT
A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.
She then tells the blonde passenger that she paid for 'Economy' and that she will have to go and sit in the back.
The blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and
I'm staying right here!'
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she is only entitled to an economy place and she will have to leave and return to her original seat.
The blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!'
Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that it was no use and that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, 'You say she's blonde?' 'I'll handle this, I'm married to a blonde, and I speak blonde!'
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says,
"Oh I'm sorry - I had no idea," gets up and moves back to her seat in the economy section.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
The pilot replied, "I told her First Class isn't going to Melbourne."
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Post by loopytunes on Jul 25, 2006 12:32:43 GMT
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Post by orrible on Jul 27, 2006 23:22:15 GMT
Four guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator. While they are stuck, they strike up a conversation.
The first guy says, "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E. , you know... ''Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.''
The second guy says, "I'm a D.I.N.K.Y., you know... ''Double Income, No Kids Yet. "
The third guy says, "I'm a R.U.B., you know... ''Rich, Urban, Biker. "
The fourth guy says, I am a D.I.L.D.O., you know... ''Double Income, Little Dog Owner.''
They turn to the woman and ask her. ''What are you?''
She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you know... Wash, Iron, F*ck, Etc.''
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Post by orrible on Aug 18, 2006 14:14:12 GMT
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Post by orrible on Aug 20, 2006 3:12:29 GMT
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Post by orrible on Aug 20, 2006 3:12:49 GMT
Raul, Ronaldo and Beckham were all at Real Madrid's canteen. They were eating their packed lunch and Raul said; "Tapas again! If I get Tapas one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off the top of the stadium."
Ronaldo opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
Beckham opened his lunch and said, "Ham & Cheese again! If I get a Ham & Cheese sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day Raul opened his lunch box, saw Tapas and jumped to his death. Ronaldo opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. Beckham opened his lunch, saw the Ham & Cheese and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral Raul's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of Tapas I never would have given it to him again!" Ronaldo's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the skinny arseless clothes horse wearing her oversized sun glasses and trailer trash trucker baseball cap. "Hey, don't look at me, in it" said Posh, "David makes his own lunch."
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Post by shadydaz on Sept 4, 2006 14:08:48 GMT
No Surprize that Steve Irwin died recently in Australia, he whad been told repeatly by his wife to wear sunblock to protect him from the harmful rays!!
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Post by orrible on Sept 9, 2006 10:57:42 GMT
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Post by fbi on Sept 9, 2006 14:19:58 GMT
Apparently in a fairly recent interview with the late Steve Urwin,he stated that his favourite kid's show was Thunderbirds,but he'd always have a place in his heart for Stingray!
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Post by orrible on Sept 11, 2006 9:20:47 GMT
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Post by orrible on Sept 19, 2006 15:32:11 GMT
go to Google, type in "meat spinning" and press i feel lucky
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Post by orrible on Oct 3, 2006 9:56:09 GMT
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Post by orrible on Oct 11, 2006 13:23:40 GMT
Face lift!
A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies,"I guess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope I'm 50."
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I am 50, but thank you."
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going, although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was.It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."
They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast...He gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay,okay...How old am I?" He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 50".
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?"
The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?" "I promise I won't." she says.
"I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
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Post by orrible on Oct 21, 2006 9:27:48 GMT
GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa; half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile soil.
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Hong Kong; well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India; very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France; gently aging but still warm, and a desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain; with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia; lost the war and haunted by past mistakes.
Between 61 and 70,
A woman is like Russia; very wide, and borders are now un-patrolled.
After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages, only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.
GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 70, a man is like America --- ruled by a D.I.C.K
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Post by orrible on Oct 21, 2006 10:28:05 GMT
This test was used on 6000 people all over the world. There are 3 differences. Only 19 people have spotted them so far. You have 1 minute. Are you one of the few? members.home.nl/saen/Special/Zoeken.swf
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Post by orrible on Oct 21, 2006 10:36:23 GMT
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Post by schmack on Oct 21, 2006 11:52:11 GMT
This test was used on 6000 people all over the world. There are 3 differences. Only 19 people have spotted them so far. You have 1 minute. Are you one of the few? members.home.nl/saen/Special/Zoeken.swfha ha ha nice one!!!
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